Have you ever been super excited about a goal? It has been on your mind for as long as you can remember. Anyone who knows you knows that.

You’ve been talking about wanting to do it for years.  

You’re sure your friend, whom you talk to daily, will be thrilled when you finally pull the trigger— especially because they too, have big dreams.  

They’ll admire that you went for it, chipping away at it one night at a time after clocking out of that job that pays your bills.  Then, one day, you finally take a big, significant step forward…and it’s a big deal that you did.  You’re proud. 

Big news text to friend: sent. 💌

You’re looking at your phone waiting for the congratulatory text to come through.  Hm, nothing.  

In the past, they've said they can’t wait! For you to take action.  They said it several times before.  Do they have good signal where they are? Maybe they’re super busy.  

Let me see if…oh wait, yeah, the phone says they saw the message.  

20 minutes later, they 👍 the message.  

Yeah, definitely busy. 

You had plans that night, so no problem.  We’ll celebrate together in person. The plan was dinner at that place with those yummy drinks.  

Maybe we'll have dessert, too; it’s a night of celebration. 

Fast forward to sitting across from them at the table as you wait for those yummy drinks...

They say NOTHING about your win and everything about how their day went.  

That fucker from Accounting is still giving them a hard time at work.  

Then finally, you bring up the topic; otherwise, who will? 

“Oh yeah, congrats!” they say as they take a sip of their drink.  

Nothing more. 

Then you ask, “So, what do you think?”

They respond, “No, yeah, it’s definitely awesome.  Seems expensive though; I know you just paid off your debt recently.  If it doesn’t work, are you gonna be ok? I’m not saying it's not gonna work, I just don’t want you to get hurt, that's all.” 

It’s the first time you hear those concerns from them.  They move onto the next topic and you don’t bring it up again. 

You know that they care about you and they want you to be ok.  Still, their response hurts.  

If you understand the crab mentality, you know that your friend’s response and worry has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them.  

If you're unfamiliar, the crab mentality is a metaphor for the behavior of crabs.  The story goes that when crabs are in a bucket (or pot), they don’t like it when a crab tries to escape.  When one does try, the rest of the crabs will pull it back down so that it doesn't get out.   

Unfortunately, the same goes for some humans.  

Oftentimes, the crabs are some of our favorite people—people who love you, whom you trust and care for, people whom you’d take a bullet for.  Sometimes, those same people have a natural inclination to pull you back down so that you stay down there; with them.  

Why? Because if they don’t, you’ll make them look bad.  You’ll become proof that it’s possible, and you’ll make them look bad, because they’ve already decided that it’s not possible for them. 

A mentor once taught me this, and boy, did it change my perspective.   You want to be angry at the person; it feels like you have the right to be.  

Their rejection or dismissal feels like betrayal. 

But imagine feeling so small that someone else doing something good for themselves hurts.  Imagine feeling like the only way things will be okay for you is if someone else who is trying to win, fails.  Sad, right? 

This also happens with authenticity.  

When someone finally decides to live authentically…

When they decide to no longer adhere to societal expectations and stop hiding parts of themselves, this really pisses some people off. 

Your vulnerability makes them feel exposed.  Inadequate.  After all, they’ve been actively suppressing those parts of their identity to conform, to fit in. 

Authenticity challenges the status quo, leaving those who insist on clinging to tradition or what’s “normal" feeling judged, because your authenticity shines a bright-ass light on the compromises they’ve made in order to fit in. 

They don’t want you to evolve into a truer version of yourself.  They want you to STOP forcing them to confront their own unwillingness to change.  

If you’ve ever experienced this cold treatment in your pursuit of success or greater authenticity, I hope you don’t take it personally.  I hope you’re better than me and that you have it in you to empathize and show compassion.  After all, their reaction is a sign that you’ve outgrown them.  In the end, they’ll either accept the challenge and meet you where you are, or you'll outgrow them.  They get to choose.  

Wish them the best. 

Pat yourself on the back for your win.   

Celebrate with that dessert.

Keep pushing forward.

The crabs are a sign that you are winning.  

-KARLA