Do you date? 

It has been a while since I have.

Over time, I’ve grown to resent dating.  So much so that the more time passes, the more I embrace being alone.  I don’t mean being positive about what is as I wait for someone else.  I mean embrace–as in accept–that maybe a romantic relationship with another human is no longer in the cards for me. 

I mean, why not? I spent the first 15 years of adulthood glued to a partner.  What if I’m about to spend the next 15 alone? 

Then boom.  
Next thing you know, I'm dead.
Single.

R.I.P to me.

My last relationship could very well be the last one.  I could try dating.  But ew.  

My sexual orientation is too high-maintenance for my patience.

The thing is, I’m bisexual.  

What this means for me: who you are as a person–your values, sense of humor, love of music, confidence, how you value family, how you show up in the world, kindness, your ambition and your thoughts–are significantly more attractive to me than what’s in between your legs.  It’s that simple.  

This makes sense, right? Wrong.  

I’ve learned that many people don’t accept that logic.  It overly conflicts with their idea of how attraction is supposed to work.  “Just pick a side, already!"

Being bisexual is complicated.

Here’s how it went the last few times I’ve been out on dates.  

I’m sitting at the bar on a date with a guy.  We’re having a great conversation about who knows what; then, he asks about my relationships. I tell him my last one was with a woman and that I am bisexual.  

The End.
Date over.

Why? Because one of two things happens:  

Person 1 -  I see the judgment on their face.  Their insecurity and disapproval. They’re not interested in being with someone who wants something they can’t offer.  That shit’s too complicated. Inappropriate, really.  It’s definitely not someone they’d want their family to meet.  

OR 

Person 2 -  I catch the smile they’re trying to conceal.  They think they got lucky and now they get to have the threesomes they’ve always dreamed of. 

You’re sex-crazed and love threesomes, RIGHT? That’s what this is gonna be, RIGHT? 

Shortly thereafter, I am disgusted, disappointed, and so glad I’m back home and done with that fucking circus that is trying to show someone who I am, when all they see are: 

threats 

or 

threesomes. 

To a lot of people, bisexual means you can’t be trusted.  I am expected to reassure, explain, convince them of my integrity–because you know, if I can’t give you what you want, then you’re just gonna go get it elsewhere, right? I know you said you’re monogamous and integrity-driven, but if I don’t have something you want, I just don’t see how it’s possible that you won’t cheat.  

Allow me to illustrate the stupidity of this logic with some equally stupid examples: 

I can’t date you because I know you like blondes, and since I have brown hair, I don’t trust that you won’t eventually cheat on me with a blonde.

Or

I can’t trust you because you like big boobs, and I don’t have them, so I’m sure you’ll cheat on me with someone who does.  I just don’t see how it’s possible that you won’t cheat. 

Excuse me while I roll my eyes as far back as they go...

🙄

🙄

🙄

As for the ones who think they won the lotto, my identity is reduced to their fantasies.  Their respect for my boundaries or individuality are lost.  I’m reduced to my sexual orientation and the toxic stereotypes that come with it; all the while, I’m just a person with a heart, who wants to connect with another person with a heart. 

I just want to be seen for who I really am.

A threesome-loving nympho.

Juuuust kidding.

Have I mentioned that my dark sense of humor keeps me sane? Well, that and music.

I know everyone’s different.  I know that not everyone is Person 1 or Person 2 from above. 👆 I’m speaking from personal experience, on the last few dummies I actually left my house to go meet.  But I’m not alone in this.  Ask your bisexual friends...or perhaps you get me.

It’s exhausting. 

I’m exhausted. 

And single.  

Exhausting, exhausted, and single…  

Cheers. 🥃

-KARLA